tears

Am torn up ,am done ,all what I want is to be numb,don't feel any thing ,life became continuously headache and am trying to push my self day after day,I keep say the prayer of disasters even before they happen just to make sure or hope I'll remember them when it happen ,some times I say it'll not happen and convince my self to be happy till it happen if it happen ,but I keep failing ,I wish if someone there for me hold my head and if possible take my shoulders as well and cover them inside him and till me close your eyes and rest your brain ,relax cause am there .I'll be your eyes ,I'll be your brain ,every beat of your heart 'll be a laugh ,I love you and am there for you . Allah ...Allah ...Allah ...I know you are there looking at me and listening to me and always helping me and I know you will comfort me and that make me full of shame ,how can I ask you when I don't thank you .ungrateful stupid me..Am sorry for being me .am sorry Allah ,Am so sorry...