hard time

if I can not answer back ,if I can not take it,if I can not leave it,if I can not believe it ,then it hurts so much ,am trying to convince my self that it's not worth it and may be it's true but still it hurts ,yes love is blind but I wish I remain the same with whoever I think I love because I keep wounder is it me or them ? how come they can see me in this way or how come they didn't see me at all!!!!!!!!!every time I get hurt they are away ,they don't remind me all the time with what they did but now they are all around ,I have to see them and listen to them and feel them and this to much ...

buy me

believe me ,today am here in front of you between your hand still giving you chance...buy me ..tomorrow you look after me and you will not find me ..am not expensive for you ..nice talk ..good heart ..onesty..it was a song this is not my words ..it could be before but not any more..it hurt so much to not give you any more chances actually some times I regret that I gave all that love ..it hurt to remember ..I keep saying tomorrow you 'll forget a little bit but the problem is to forget what the love??? or the hate ..

tears

Am torn up ,am done ,all what I want is to be numb,don't feel any thing ,life became continuously headache and am trying to push my self day after day,I keep say the prayer of disasters even before they happen just to make sure or hope I'll remember them when it happen ,some times I say it'll not happen and convince my self to be happy till it happen if it happen ,but I keep failing ,I wish if someone there for me hold my head and if possible take my shoulders as well and cover them inside him and till me close your eyes and rest your brain ,relax cause am there .I'll be your eyes ,I'll be your brain ,every beat of your heart 'll be a laugh ,I love you and am there for you . Allah ...Allah ...Allah ...I know you are there looking at me and listening to me and always helping me and I know you will comfort me and that make me full of shame ,how can I ask you when I don't thank you .ungrateful stupid me..Am sorry for being me .am sorry Allah ,Am so sorry...

queen of drama

I wanted to say before stop to my self but then I Thought that I stop ed already ,every thing ,I stop ed every thing ,I still breath ,I can't stop breathing by my self ,am eating ,drinking ,in between laughing,but am tired from doing these things as well ,Want my self to leave my self alone I don't want her to deal with me any more ,can't she see that I stop ed fighting ,that I surrendered ,guess what ,I don't want to hear any thing from you so good bye.

I am ??????

I am .... first of all am not comfortable ,am so confused and stressed ,am trying to take a serious decision and am so worry ,will it be correct or wrong ,how I 'll live with consequences ,should I consider my family in this or just think about my self ,the main problem is that am not sure if my decision 'll be mainly depend on what I want ,any way I 'll try to hold on today and calm down and I'll see how I feel tomorrow,God help me please ,it's you who I want now more than any thing ,control my heart and my soul ,let them see and feel only what you want ,I am helpless without you and I don't want any help except from you .I believe in you and I love you.

my baby

my beautiful baby ,am waiting for you ,I love you so so much ,I need you so much ,I want you so much ,GOD..GOD..GOD...please ..you are the mercy merciful ,genres beautiful GOD ,put her inside me ,I 'll cover her with love ,I 'll feed her love ,I 'll learn her love..she 'll be my love..I love you...

and now

so ..now..now he want to come to see me ,what does that mean ,I can not find any explanation ,okay ,how am I suppose to treat him ,I am putting a strategy and backup ,but before any thing prepare your self ,take it easy ,yeah take a deep breath ,we 'll figure it out ,not now ,later....

before I forget

I'll not forget ,I had a great time ,being with you ,I love you ..amazing life is ,putting people in front of you and no matter how much you resist they invade you ,I tried but I couldn't ,so smart you are ,being with you that made my time great ,how I let my self be free with you ,that make me free,the way you see me make me wonder am I as you see me ,some times am scared because people see that ,,they see how much I love you ,I tried to surround my self with strong dark shell ,there is small window not a door and I keep looking and looking over and over to any one come near ,,I keep the light off and if you look at the window you 'll see it closed ,am looking through the small holes..some times I hang a Blaine face with bad comment under it ,to scare any one try to approach me,but some people just invade every thing in me they occupy me ,initially it scares me till I surrender and gave them my self ,you are one of them you own me ,I 'll not say it to you by word but you had me and I love you ...I love you...

amazing

am not going to say that life is amazing because it is ,but the most amazing thing is how it prove that ,I couldn't expect ,it was a shock ,wow ..wow..wow..you sit in front of me with your beautiful manly face and a gorges body and you make it worth when I saw you wearing brown ,gorges , you make me talk and talk and talk ,some times listening and looking at your beautiful eyes and having some fantasy and then you ask me why am not asking ,hea ..I never waited for you to ask ,why you told me today ..why not before ,this is the second time ..I know ..look at you trying to say hesitating and me all ears can not wait and then you blow it ..you blow me..any way,may be I felt relieved ,like I don't have to think about you except as friend ,but I'll be fol ling my self ,I know there is no friendship between a man and woman..true ..but as usual I 'll keep going till I face the T rode either right or left,,hopefully it 'll not be painful ...

insist

Insisting is a good thing ,it works with me ,but to insist on what ,major or minor . very seldom I insist om my own choices ,am afraid ,I keep saying excuses that it might hurt others or disappoint them ,may be !!! but what about me ! why I keep disappointing my self looks like it's legal ,but for others no ,okay now am talking to you,so listen ,are you happy ? Noooooooooooooo!!!!!,wow that was a big no,holding you tears?? yeah most of the time. I feel that you started to be creative in using all your weapons to keep your self intact? no comment...
okay back to the first question ,why your are not happy? cause I don't know what to do ,,Am tired ,dreaming about putting my head some where ,where it fit ,I can't find my self and am spinning and spinning my head in one direction and my body in the other direction and my heart ...hea ,,now I can cry I believe that if I talk to God my heart will be better ,he can fulfil me so I can stop spinning but again ..you said you know the way ...why you stop ed ..you know the way ..will you insist ..for your happiness ..will you insist ,this is the only thing I am bagging you ,for your sake insist ,God promised ,Mohamed (SAW) promised .when you 'll insist ? when you 'll walk in your way ,there is a place there ...you can put your head and I promise it 'll fit

alone on the road

you don't always have to pretend to be strong,
there is no need to prove all the time that everything is going well,
you shouldn't be concerned about what other people are thinking,
cry if you need to,
it's good to cry out all your tears,
( because only then will you be able to smile again ).
that was paulo coelho writing a poem of another Japanese poet,
it made some tears come down looks like I needed permission or encouragement ,Wish I can cry out all my tears but they are stubborn or waiting to be used in other big occasions ,who knows,
my title is alone on the road .... so far.....